Disowned
by MagentaQuinn
Summary: Howard's rich family had disowned him because of his marriage. Vince's poor family didn't care. Five year old Lola Noir was thrilled when she was practically adopted by her brother and Howard. As far as dysfunctional families go . . . this one lives in a zoo.
1. Chapter 1

Children are one of the least complex beings of one of the most complex species, and yet, they somehow manage to blow us away. Children go through the "why" stages in life. "Why are there two daddies?" Or maybe: "Why isn't there a mummy?" Sometimes there's even: "But I want a juice now! Why can't I have my juice now?" At the same time, they're lulled to sleep with tales my fiancé spins out at his own whim, about the jungles of India, about Bryan Ferry.

He's very much like a child himself. If we didn't visit his parents every holiday, I'd think he believes the stories himself. His parents always loved his stories, and every night when he would lull Lola to sleep, their parents would listen in. He had really accounted for everything. Him and Lola were dropped off in India, raised by Bryan Ferry and various animals, and then finally wandered to London.

Lola's tiny little mind believed every word of it. Once you get older, you lose that sense of wonder, that sense of belief, your imagination. Luckily for Lola, if she was anything like her older brother, she wouldn't. Vince had taught her how to sing 'Lola' by The Kinks before she even knew what a transvestite was. He didn't live in the real world. He lived in a world where it was okay for a gorilla to walk down the street with a tiny wizard.

_I_, however, lived in a world where problems were real. Where I tried to avoid eye contact and people whispering: "Is that a _gorilla_? I really hope they're just French; I don't feel like being murdered and then shoved up a chimney." Maybe not that last part. Most people aren't as intellectual as me, therefore they would not compare a gorilla to Poe. (But if you're not an intellectual either, I won't spoil the ending for you.) I lived in a world where I was almost murdered by my father when I brought home a skinny little man that was practically a drag queen, who looked like he had just done a bunch of coke.

I lived in a world where my parents disowned me for being gay. I lived in a world where they refused to pay for our wedding, even though they were filthy rich. I lived in a world where, even though I was on the edge because of my parents, Vince thought it wouldn't want to make me kill him by producing a wedding dress for him to walk down the aisle in. I stayed level headed, though. I took it back to the shop, and got two lovely tuxes. That's what you have to do in the real world. Live and let die.

Unfortunately, Vince doesn't live in the real world.

* * *

Author's Note: This is going to be fun. This is going to be a fun time. Howard's always fun, because he's so . . . holier than thou. Isn't he? ("Englishmen, you're all so fucking pompous!" -The Grim Reaper.)

Inspired by this definition:

_Disown - (Verb)_

_phonetic : **/disˈōn/****  
**_

_******past participle : ****disowned**_

_**********1. Refuse to acknowledge or maintain any connection with**_

_Howard's rich family had disowned him because of his marriage_

This story is dedicated to all the amazing Booshlrs out there, who prevent me from getting any sleep. If you are not on Tumblr, please, never go there. We will recruit you into a insomniac zombie who fangirls every time there's news or a new photograph up. We're a pathetic people. But Booshlr _is _a cool name.


	2. Chapter 2

"Look at her." Vince had a knee tucked under his chin, which was humanly impossible for everyone else. "She's beautiful. Cherubic. There's no way she's human." I sat at the desk, finishing a chapter of my novel, while he laid on the floor with a sleeping Lola. "There's no way she's related to me. She's too beautiful."

"You're too beautiful to be related to her."

"Oh fuck off old man," he whispered to me. "We both know I'm hideous." He tucked a piece of Lola's curly blonde hair behind her ear, and walked over to me. "We both know it." Her draped himself over my shoulders, and watched me type each word.

It seemed the only times he could be quiet was when he watched things move. He was always silent in the car, watching the scenery, and he loved watching me write. That's the artist in him, I suppose, finding inspiration and entertainment in everything.

"Anyone that can read or has the mental ability to Google will know that this is about us. Leory's already started your Wikipedia article. And anyone with eyes can see that I'm Riley."

"This isn't based off of us."

"Really? Alright." He didn't believe me for a second, but he let it lay. He kissed me on the cheek, and then walked back over to Lola. "God, look at her. You know Mum had just read 'Lolita' by that Vladimir guy. Not Putin. He's like Russia's Hitler, right?"

"Er . . . I suppose."

"Cool. Anyway, she had just read 'Lolita' cos it's like one of her favourite books. Anyway, when she saw Lola's little grey eyes peer up at her, she knew Lola's name had to be Dolores. Weird thing is, Mum knew the book was a about a rapist, murderer paedophile, but she didn't seem to care. She said that if she named Lola Dolores, she would have a better time accepting that she's growing up, and might get married and pregnant at seventeen. She's a bit mad, but at least she's not gonna be all crazy like she was with me." He sat down Indian style on his sleeping bag, and pet her hair. "They were only eighteen when they had me. So when they were in their early thirties, they weren't ready for me to be a teenager. But they were too old when they had Lola. Mum was forty four. Now they're almost fifty, Lola's five, and she's the worst decision of their life." He continued petting her hair, without a regret to what he just said. "Second worst. The first would probably be me. I think they just wanna forget about both of us. That's why she's always over here with us, spending weeks at a time. But we're close to home, and she loves the zoo, and all of the keepers love her."

I stopped writing on that note, even though I wasn't finished with the chapter. At times you forget he's an adult, and he actually has coherent thoughts. I padded over to him softly, and wrapped my arm around his shoulder. He curled into my neck, and was silent. "At least your parents still love you. No matter what, your parents love you. They might regret you sometimes, they might find you a terrible pain in the ass, and they might want to hang you upside down from your big toes and watch you die slowly. That just means they love you."

"Is _that _what love is?"

"Of course. Love is hugging someone while you visualize them dying with your hands around their throat . . . but you just continue hugging them."

He laughed a little in response, kissed me, kissed Lola on the forehead, and got into our sleeping bag.


	3. Chapter 3

"Welcome to the Zooniverse! We have an entire universe . . . in our zoo. Or it _might_ be the other way around. I'm Bobby-Bob-Bob-Bob, here to announce that there is a lost little boy here at the front office. He says his name is Jeff. Blue shirt, regular jeans, and really stupid blonde hair. If he is not claimed soon, he'll be dinner for a puma. Special announcement: The zoo will be closing at noon today for the staff movie marathon, so at eleven fifty five, start getting all of the ungrateful bitches out. Thank you." The intercom shut off, and I sighed. There was something wrong with that man.

It was 11:30, and most of the customers had already left, so I headed back to Vince and my keeper's hut, where I had to stifle a scream, and try not to pass out. "You said I was pretty," squeaked out Lola. She scrambled to the full body mirror.

"You're beautiful. You just scared the crap out of Uncle Howard."

"Oh," Lola breathed out, very relieved. She lifted her arms up, and Vince picked her up. She settled into his corsetted hip.

"What is . . . she?"

"Taken away, huh?" Vince grinned. "Lookit." He turned around, and popped his hip. "Bam. I could kill someone with these. Bam-bam!" He kept popping his hips.

"I don't care if you're in drag, you're in drag all the time! Why is she in drag?"

"Imma slap you. I'm a transvestite."

"From Transsexual, Transylvania."

"Oh my God."

"She's Columbia, thank you very much. Whaddya think the first movie is?" He looked annoyed when I didn't answer. "It's Rocky fucking Horror! You're gonna be the weird one. Everyone's dressed up, everyone knows the lines. But Lola's the only one that can tap dance. Show 'im." He let Lola down, and she took a deep breath.

Her feet moved faster than you could imagine, as the made fairly annoying high pitched noises. She finnally fell on the couch, and put her top hat back on. "Eh? I'm good, ain't I Howard?"

"No. You're very good. The proper grammar, however, would be to say: I'm good, aren't I Howard? Ain't isn't a word."

"It's in the dictionary."

"Well the man who wrote the dictionary is stupid." I kneeled beside her, and tucked a piece of fake red hair behind her ear.

"Oh," she said, giggling. She seemed to be satisfied with the answer, so we walked to Bob Fossil's office.

Wouldn't my parents have loved to see me then? A moment for the Christmas cards: Their gay son walking through a zoo with his transvestite fiance and the transvestite's five year old sister dressed as a groupie.

We got to the office, and took seats near the front of the makeshift cinema. The zoo's staff came in, and Vince was right: I was one of the only people not dressed up.

Everyone cheered as the lights turned off, and the movie started. "This'll be your favourite part," Vince said coyly. As to 20th Century Fox logo came on, he screamed: "FUCK THE FOX, WE WANT LIPS!" He winked at me, and then started in with what was explained to me as being call-out lines. You respond to anything the movie has to say.

"A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, God said "let there be lips." And there were, and they were good. Sing to us lips!" The giant lips started to sing, and I had to admire their timing.

I was disappointed, though, that there was only one Star Wars reference. The first song, however, had many references to classic sci-fi movies, and there was once scene where four characters popped out of a pool, and they shouted out the names of the Beatles.

On one hand, it was hilarious hearing the responses to what the characters say, and it was lovely watching Vince parade around half nude. On the other, it was a moist, sticky, sweaty, mess, with makeup, water guns, toast, rice, and toilet paper being thrown around. A line really stuck with me, through the other seven movies we watched: "Give yourself over to absolute pleasure, don't dream it, be it." I couldn't pay attention to much else.


	4. Chapter 4

"And this is called Drag Eraser. It gets rid of the thickest makeup. If you're gonna grow up doing this, you'll need to get used to this." Lola was in a puffy dressing gown, her blonde hair soaked with sweat. It was almost four in the morning, but she was unphased. Probably because she had slept through most of the movies. "It gets everything off. Even the OCC stuff I put on. The lip tar." Vince wet Lola's face, and scrubbed the makeup off. Soon, she was the pure, porcelain faced girl. "Now go take a quick bath, and make sure to wash your hair." He kissed her cheek.

I watched him as he washed his face and his hair in the sink. He gave himself a whore's bath as well, but I was already typing. I had gotten into journaling my life, as it gives me inspiration to write, if I know my exact emotions and thoughts. I tend to forget after a while.

"Vince! I'm ready to get out!"

"Howard, could you get her? I'm busy."

I rolled my eyes, getting up. I hesitated in front of the door. "Lola? It's Howard, Vince is busy."

"Fine . . ."

I walked in, handed her her towel, and let her dry off. "Is this is as awkward for you as it is me?"

"Yep. At least Vince kinda looks like a girl."

I chuckled at that, and started to towel dry her hair. "I won't deny that."

"Are you my uncle?"

"I don't really know. If we're getting into big and fancy terms, I'm not anything yet. When I get married to Vince, I'll be your brother-in-law."

"That's too long. 'Brother-in-Law Howard' sounds . . . stupid."

"It sounds _very_ stupid."

"Well I can't just call you nothing."

"Why do you have to call me anything?" I had finished drying her hair, and started to comb it. "Why can't I just be Howard?"

"Because you haven't given me permission to."

"Aw. You have manners."

"Mummy said she was going to raise a proper girl, not like a half-butted one she already had."

"Are you not allowed to say the word she said?"

"No."

"Yet you watched Rocky Horror."

"Vince said it's okay. I'm expressing myself. He said that I'm open minded because of that, even though he just gives me his CD player to listen to until a song called The Time Warp, he gets me to tap dance, and then makes me listen to it again. But he says I'm still more open minded than someone name Eeyore."

My heart dropped. "Eeyore? By any chance, do you mean Edgar?"

"Yeah! That's it!" she grinned. "How'd you know?"

"That's my father."

"And he's not open minded?"

"No. He got very upset about me wanting to marry Vince."

"Is it because we're poor?"

I smiled softly at her. "No, it's not because you're poor. It's because I'm marrying a boy, and not a girl."

"Why would he be upset about that?"

"Most married people are one boy and one girl."

"So?" With just one word, she had my thoughts going a mile a minute. "Why do you like boys?"

"What?"

"Instead of girls. Why do you like boys?"

"Well, when you're in your mother's tummy, God is picking out everything for you. What colour your eyes are, what colour your hair is, and who you fancy. It's a role of the dice. Flip of a coin. Mine just landed on boys, and thankfully, so did your brothers. I don't know what I would do if he didn't."

"Oh." She thought about it. "How do babies get in a Mum's tummy?"

"I'm sure you'll learn when you're older."

She groaned. "But I wanna know _now_!" She didn't protest any further, because she had started to get tired, even though she had napped during most of the movies.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hi!" I smiled at Lola, who was having a fake conversation on the phone. It wasn't even plugged in. "I'm Lola, who are you?" She giggled. "I'm just kidding." She smiled, and sent me a thumbs up. "Yeah, I do. I'm Vince's little sister." She paused. "Yeah, he's nice." She scrunched up her face. "No, I don't care. It doesn't matter." She smiled, and handed the phone to me.

Not wanting to spoil her fun, I pretended to pick it up. "Hello, who am I speaking to?"

"Your mother." I felt like I was falling off a cliff. "Is this really what you've stooped to Howard? This is _below _fucking a man, this is worse! How could you get a little girl to beg us for money?"

"She wasn't begging you for anything, Patricia."

"Then I just suppose she just called me?"

"That's exactly what she did."

"_Right_."

"She's more mature than you are, you know that, right?"

"Oh fuck off!"

"You fuck off! She is! Not only is she actually going to go to the wedding, but she's being the flower girl."

"I'm surprised that you can actually afford a wedding! You work in a fucking zoo!"

"Yes, I do, but I have enough money to have a wedding. Our boss doesn't know how to manage finances. I work here by choice."

"What, like being a faggot?"

"Oh fuck you! You always liked Vince before, what's the fucking difference? You're such a closed minded, hundred year old, silicone pumped, wig wearing _cunt_!" I slammed the phone down.

The silence hung like a lead sheet over us. After about a minute, Lola croaked out: "I'm in trouble."

"No. You're not in trouble. If you do that again, though, I will kill you."

"Yes sir. I just thought I could make it better, y'know."

"Lola . . . not all things can be made better. You know what, though? You can make everything involving you better, because you can change your mind. You can't change anyone else's."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

I was already watering down what I was trying to say, but I managed to think of something. "My parents were taught that marriage is between a man and a woman. You were taught the same thing, right?"

"Yeah."

"Now you know that marriage can be between two men, two women, or a man and a woman. So the world is a little better, now that one more person knows and accepts it."

"I guess. But a lotta people don't change their mind."

"And that's what makes it so good that you can." That's what made her shut up. Sometimes, you just have to confuse them.


	6. Chapter 6

School, however, started soon, and Lola could only come over on the weekends. It was good though, because it gave Vince time to plan the wedding, and it gave me time to sit next to him and choose the one he clearly favours. The cake topper where the grooms are kissing, rather than just holding hands; the big wedding cake to the small one; the flowers in all shades of red and pink and white, rather than the flowers in blue and white.

"We're almost done," he whispered, one night after a long shift at the zoo, and four hours planning. "We're . . . almost done." He frowned at the book.

"Isn't this a good thing?"

"It is . . . but I'll have nothing to do until New Year's Eve."

"You'll find something. You always do." I kissed him very softly, and he flushed. "So what, you're going to be the shy one tonight?"

"No . . . I can count the number of months before we're to be married on one hand."

"And you can count the number of years we've been dating on two."

He closed his eyes, smiling, and intertwined our hands together. I could tell his little mind was wandering a million miles an hour. "I love you."

"I love you too." I smiled when _his _smile grew larger. "You know what, I want to see your BTEC National up to good use. Draw the cake."

"You don't wanna see it up to good use, you just love watching me draw."

"It's amazing," I admitted. "Mesmerizing."

"Please. I'm not that good."

"Of course you are. That's just the artist in you. A true artist looks at their work a month after it's finished, and go: 'Wow, that's shit. I could have made it so much better.' That's good though, because it means you've grown as an artist."

He laughed as if it was the most mad thing he'd ever heard. He ran in his funny little way to my writing desk, and got some paper. "Mmkay." He got into his concentration mode, and stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth. "Three tiered coconut cake with white fondant, so it's all smooth. And then we have the two little grooms on the top, happy for their big day, and ready to get freaky as soon as all of the guests leave." He giggled like a schoolgirl as he finished drawing us quickly. "And then, there's the same face as my Hedwig tattoo. Like JCM had on his hip in the movie, the faces during Midnight Radio, when the blue green purple colour mixed ones get together. And that's gonna be right below our feet, airbrushed on the top tier. And then, um, I don't know where these are gonna be on the cake, but they're just going to be placed all around.

"There's a pair of stilettos and a tube of lipstick with Vince written really pretty under it, and then you have a trumpet and a bookmark with Howard under it. And of course there's little hearts on it everywhere. And then I want a drawing of me in a mirrorball suit and you in your horrendously cute Hawaiian shirts and khaki shorts and weird shoes. Then I want the Rocky Horror lips, with a saxaphone, but there's a sax in Rocky, so it's kinda you kinda me. And I'd like some edible glitter. But we can get you some edible tweed if you want it."

"No thanks," I laughed out, starting to play with his hair.

He was just doodling on and around the cake drawing, and he was in full concentration mode.

However, what he was saying before had finally sunk in. In a matter of months, he would be mine. There would be my ring around his finger and my arm around his waist. He'd be mine, and no one could change that. He would be legally mine, and I would be legally his.

. . . He would be the only legal family I had left.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hello!" The woman in the strange outfit, and I'm talking stranger than Vince's, kissed us on both cheeks. "Welcome to the Queen's Hotel. You're the couple getting married next month, right?"

"I imagine we are."

"Just out of curiosity, how many gay weddings do you book?"

She giggled at Vince, and started to walk us in. "We don't book many weddings at all. You're our first gay one!" She grinned again, and walked behind the desk. "My husband and I actually got married here," she sighed out. "What brings you here early?"

"The weekend. We thought we'd scope out the place over some time off."

"That sounds good." She turned around to get the keys to our room. "Checkout time is eleven, breakfast is at ten on the fifth floor, and the bar is open till midnight. Dinner's at six. If you're overwhelmed, you can sit at the table by the piano. I play it during meals. Oh, and I'm Paloma, by the way." The perky redhead smiled, gave us the keys, and waved us on.

"I knew it was a good idea to have it here. Isn't she lovely?"

"Very." I instinctively tightened my grip around his waist, jealousy settling.

"Oh my God," he laughed out quietly. "You really think I'd go for her? If you don't remember what this diamond means, why are we here?" He looked at his hand while we were walking.

We got to our room, and I unlocked the door.

"I'm sorry, alright? I'm just not used to having everything I need."

"Get fucked, your family's filthy rich!"

"I also had to date girls around them," I said, laying our suitcases down on the couch. "It wasn't fun."

"I thought you only like . . . realized you were gay when it was cold a couple years ago and we cuddled."

"No, that's when I realized I couldn't fool myself any longer. I am what I am, right?" I walked back over to him, where he refused to make eye contact. "You were the first person I've held all night. You're the _only _person I've held all night. Sleeping bags are only made for one person, and you slept all night with your head in my neck. You have the bad habit of, and I've never told you this, of mumbling, kissing, and humping while you sleep. After that, I knew I couldn't fool myself. With your bony little nose in my shoulder, your bony little elbows in my ribs, and your bony little toes tickling my feet, I fell asleep for the first time in years, without my heart being heavy. Vince, you are the only person I have ever loved, and you are the only person I ever will love. I just can't stand the idea of you with another person. Man or woman."

"But really, with the front desk lady?"

"It's just a natural response."

"I'm really fucking gay, if you haven't noticed."

"I know, I know . . ."

"I'm not just your property, Howard! There's always going to be people looking at me, are you just gonna lock me in a crate and never let me outside? I love you, Howard. You're the only person I've ever _really _loved, I've said it a thousand times, but never meant it, until I met you. But I'm not your's. You can't just kill someone if they look at me." He stepped closer to me, and it was me avoiding eye contact now. "Howard. I love you. Jealousy's a fucking cunt, and you know it. You just have to trust me, Howard." His voice cracked, and I could tell he was crying. "I'd never cheat on you."

I finally looked back at him, and his eyes were pouring with tears. "Come here." I wrapped my arms around him, and sat us on the bed. "I know you never will. I didn't mean to upset you, I'm sorry. I forgot that you're even more stressed than usual." I kissed him on the cheek. "Come on. We have three and a half hours before dinner. Let's just lay down."

We did, and he intertwined our hands.

"I love you."

"I love you too," I whispered into his ear, and I could feel him smile.


	8. Chapter 8

"Hello you two," said Paloma as we sat at the table. She was playing a lovely piece; it was very jazzy. "How are you guys?"

"We're fine," he said, not fooling anyone. "For the love of God, this song's boring."

"I know. It's the only one my husband ever let me play . . ."

"Well he's not in here, is he?"

"No, but I don't want to play anything else."

"Well where is he, surely you can play it without him coming in. Haven't seen him all day."

"He's in Hell," she stated matter-of-factly.

"I'm so sorry, I-"

"I'm not. He was a right wanker. He was a magician, but he took it too far. He was mad, there near the end. He _actually_ thought he was magic or something. Ended up beheading himself."

"Why don't you play something new then, mix it up?"

"It feels like I'd be disrespectful. Like speaking ill of the dead."

"But you're not speaking ill of the dead. You're playing a song."

"Vince, just drop it," I hissed at him, and he looked at me slightly scared.

"Okay . . ." He looked up at me with his big, beady, pleading eyes, like he was a lost animal. After about thirty seconds of me giving him my death glare, which I had learned from this nice chap in Monkey Hell, he dropped it. "Fine." He ate his dinner in silence, just chatting with Paloma, and ignoring me. After we had finished eating, he walked off to our room, not telling me he was leaving. I trailed about five feet after him the entire way. "Howard. I am _not _your's. I can talk to her if I want."

"But you shouldn't talk to her if you're annoying her about her dead husband."

"Do you think she cared? _She _was the one who said he was in Hell! I know you, I know your mind, I know the dark corners, I _know_ what you were thinking. We're here because we're getting married next month!" He sighed, exasperated. "Do you not understand what that means? I will be Mister Vincent Philip Noir-Moon. You'll be Mister Howard Tommy Jerry Noir-Moon. But that doesn't mean that I won't talk to anyone but you! There's always going to be people flirting with me! You just have to stop being so fucking possessive! I'm not your's, I'm not anyone else's, I'm mine, and only mine! You can't just lock me in a trunk! It wasn't because I was annoying her, it was because you want to lock me in a trunk!"

"I don't want to lock you in a trunk," I stated plainly, even though I knew he was just bringing up an argument we had a few month before.

"A metaphorical trunk, Howard. You want me to be away from the public, because of the stupid fucking little fear that I'll be taken away from you. The stupid little-" I slapped him. "Did you just . . . Howard, you're _so_ vanilla." The was so much venom in his voice I was afraid to move. "I have been _begging _you for almost four years four you to cut me, for you to slap me, for you to spank me, for you to tie me up, for you to whip me, and it just takes the word _stupid_?"

"It's a horrible word." I sighed out of relief he didn't start a proper fit.

He sat down exasperated on the bed. "It is though, Howard! It's a stupid fear."

"I know it is, I just can't help it."

"Then prove it. Prove you know it is."

"How could I possibly-"

"Get in one of my videos. Lola and I talk about you all the time, and a lot of people don't believe you exist. Everything important in my life has been documented, but you."

"Okay," I said, sitting down beside him. I tucked a feathered piece of his hair behind an ear, and kissed his cheek. "I'll do anything."

"Let me get dressed," he said, without revealing any emotion. He ran to the bathroom, and fifteen minutes later, came out in drag.

"What's that?"

"This is how I do my videos." He set up his camera, and put a fake smile on his face. "Hey Bumming Buddies! As you guys can see, this isn't my usual setting. I am in the hotel that Howard and I are going to be married in, and we're staying the weekend, to check out the atmosphere. So, a-as a lot of you have been commenting, you guys wanted to see the real me, and see my real life. The biggest part of my life has not agreed until now," he made eye contact with me instead of the camera. "But now he's willing to come on screen. So . . . this is my real life. This is what happens at four in the morning when I leave the club, and finally go home. This is when Ophelia dies until the next Saturday night." He sighed, and pulled the wig off his head. He pulled his bald cap off and shook his hair out. He grabbed a makeup wipe, and wiped all of his makeup off. He took another clean one just to make sure. Now, he was just Vince in a dress. "Ophelia Cummings' dead. This is Vince Noir. Twink supreme." He laughed to himself. "Those eyelashes aren't real. My eyes don't really pop like that. My skin's horribly uneven." He stuck his hand down his dress. "These aren't real. In fact-" he shimmed out off the dress, took the bra off, and laid the silicone aside. "This is Vince Noir, ugly little girly boy."

"You look lovely just there in your pants."

Vince rolled his eyes theatrically. "Almost as if on cue. Come over." I walked over to where Vince was standing, and kissed him quickly. "This is Howard Moon, my . . . partner."

"Fiance."

He smiled, and I could tell it was for real, he wasn't just wearing a mask like before. "You'll say it on camera," he asked, whispering.

"I told you." I kissed him again. "anything."

A faint blush spread over him as he turned back to the camera, but kept eye contact with me. "This is the real me, and this is the real Howard. So you guys need to like and comment and say if you want me to keep doing videos in drag, or if you want me in the nude ever so often."

"Vince, I love you, but I'll kill you if you get naked on camera. You know my mother found those pictures you sent me. She took my fucking phone. I'm a grown man!"

"Is that when she got suspicious?"

"No, it's when she caught us snogging in the garden and you said I had gotten bitten by a snake."

Vince laughed. "Well you didn't say anything! I didn't want her coming over and killing me!" He kissed me on the cheek, having to stand on his tip toes. "For those of you who don't know, Howard's parents are massive cunts, because they disowned him when we got engaged. And Howard tried to pretend he was all strong about it, but I know it really tore him apart. He got really really depressed-"

"Then I realized it didn't matter, as long as I was with you. That was the point, right?"

Vince nodded happily. "Okay, so, I usually make a heart to sign off on, but when there's two people, I make a heart with them. So just make a half a heart like this . . ." He showed me. "There." He put our hands together, and made a heart. "Love you guys."

* * *

Author's Note: Okay, so today . . . I'm actually going to post my Majo no Ie / Boosh crossover! If you don't know about Majo no Ie, it's about a sickly young witch, named Ellen, and her thirteen year old friend, Viola. Of course, it's still a Howince story, because I can't resist, btu Viola and Ellen are major characters as well! PM or comment if you have any questions about the game, because I totally understand if you don't want to play it. (It's a horror RPG.) However, there are MANY playthroughs of it on YouTube!


	9. Chapter 9

I was woken up by girlish giggles and kneading on my shoulder. "Howard, lookit." He shoved a phone in my face, and I had to blink a few times before it came into focus. "We're a meme. You know what that is old man, right? Like the troll face, socially awkward penguin."

"Of course I do. Why are we a meme?"

"Because there's a buncha gay people on the internet. I've gotten over ten-thousand new followers on Twitter, and about that amount on YouTube, and more video views than YouTube can process." He took a sip of something, and then held it out to me. "Coconut. Paloma gave us a big bag of them to celebrate my fame."

"There's something wrong with that girl," but I drank the milk anyway.

"She's going to cook our wedding food, so you better not say it to her face." He giggled. "You know I think we're the first gay couple that's ever stayed here. Probably the first she's ever met. She loves us."

I managed to laugh through my morning stupor. "Wow."

"I know. _Everyone_ seems to love us. The internet, Paloma . . ."

"Everyone loves you. I look like a paedophile snogging a teenager."

"The only reason is because you're the only one that gets close enough to me to see my crow's feet."

I kissed under his eye. "I like your crow's feet. Makes you look defined."

"They make me look like I'm a hundred."

"Hey, I'm the old one, I take pride in that." I kissed him again, rougher. He was all too eager, pressing me into the headboard so hard my head was starting to throb. "Vince," I finally managed to get him while he was taking a breath. "It's about nine in the morning. I haven't eaten breakfast yet, and to do what you're wanting to do, I need some energy."

"I'll make you a cuppa tea." He growled gutturally. "Come on, you know fame does it for me more than pain."

"You are a sick, twisted little slut. Have you no shame?"

"No." He giggled. "Come _on _Howard! We have only had sex once on this entire vacation!"

"It's two days, and we've only been here one night."

"Well we have to be out of here by eleven, why can't we make the most of it?"

"You know Paloma has to clean the rooms. I don't want to scar her. The sheets are already soaked with lube, let's not soak the mattress."

"Who cares?" He flipped over suddenly, and grinned. "Come on old man!" He started moving his buttocks rapidly. "Twerking. Must be jelly cos jam don't shake, must be jelly cos jam don't shake." He giggled like a schoolgirl. "If that wasn't seductive I don't know what is." He kissed me again, softer. "Come on! Bend me over the bed . . . and then I'll make it up because everything has to be neat and proper, right?"

"Be _quiet_. We don't have to worry about waking anyone up, because they're already awake, and can hear everything."

He grinned from ear to ear, and continued kissing me.


	10. Chapter 10

We both walked down the aisle, and we walked together. When we turned to face each other in front of the official, I finally got a good look at what was dressing _mod_. Thin little tie, and a suit so sharp he could pop a beach ball. The ceremony went off without a hitch, until we got to the vows. "I believe the couple has prepared their own vows."

I hadn't, of course, but Vince had. He took a deep breath. "Howard. I love you. And anyone who has been on the internet in the last month knows that." He grinned. "They also know why your parents are not here tonight. You got very upset about it, you got depressed, and you started taking some of your emotions out on me. Listen carefully. Your parents can fuck off, they don't matter." A mixed reaction came from the crowd, and Vince laughed. "I assume the gasping people are your guests, and that one little whoop was from one of mine." He grinned even wider. "You do not have any family right now, but in about five minutes, you'll have all of mine. My family loves you, and you know it. Lola adores you. It doesn't matter about your parents. In a matter of minutes, you'll be my husband. _I'll _be your family. Howard, you're my one and only. And I want you to be my husband."

"Howard?"

I looked at the official, then back at Vince. "You little wanker. You could have told me about the vows." I sighed. "Hm. I love you."

Vince waited for about ten seconds before he burst out laughing. "You're an author! Surely you're more creative than that."

"You said 'fuck' in your vows. There's no way that I can top that."

We smiled at each other, not even caring about the rest of the ceremony. We had managed to get through all of the painful parts, and finally we got to the first dance. Worse than being disemboweled for me, better than all the drugs and Nutella in the world for him.

"Are you ready," Vince whispered, as the song started.

"No."

He smiled, and kissed me softly. "Then get ready."

_Time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mouth_

_You pull on your finger, then another finger, then your cigarette_

_The wall-to-wall is calling, it lingers, then you forget_

_Ohhh, you're a rock 'n' roll suicide_

_You're too old to lose it, too young to choose it_

_And the clock waits so patiently on your song_

_You walk past a cafe but you don't eat when you've lived too long_

_Oh, no, no, no, you're a rock 'n' roll suciide_

_Chev brakes are snarling as you stumble across the road_

_But the day breaks instead so you hurry home_

_Don't let the sun blast your shadow_

_Don't let the milk float ride your mind_

_You're so natural - religiously unkind_

_Oh no love! you're not alone_

_You're watching yourself but you're too unfair_

_You got your head all tangled up but if I could only make you care_

_Oh no love! you're not alone_

_No matter what or who you've been_

_No matter when or where you've seen_

_All the knives seem to lacerate your brain_

_I've had my share, I'll help you with the pain_

_You're not alone _

_Just turn on with me and you're not alone _

_Let's turn on with me and you're not alone_

_Let's turn on and be not alone_

_Gimme your hands cause you're wonderful_

_Gimme your hands cause you're wonderful_

_Oh gimme your hands._

I could feel the tears soaking through my shirt as we stopped dancing, and the small crowd cheered. "I love you."

"I love you too." Other people had started dancing, but Vince pulled me aside. "Go ask Lola to dance. I let her stand on my feet all the time. It's adorable."

"Okay." I made my way to Lola, where she was eating cake sadly. "Do you want to dance?"

"Sure," she said, immediate grinning.

"Do you want to stand on my feet like you do with Vince?"

"Sure!" We danced to some unmemorable song. "I'm sorry your mum's mad at you."

"It's fine. Because now I have you guys as family, like Vince said."

"But Mummy didn't give birth to you, like your mum did."

"But that's fine. I love you guys more than I love my mum."

"Do you love me?"

It was hard to wipe the mix between a smirk and terror that I have associated with that phrase. "Of course I love you."

"But not like you love Vince."

"Yeah, cos Vince and I are married. I love you like a daughter, or a sister."

"Oh. Okay!" The song stopped, and I put her on my hip. We walked over to where Vince was sitting, and he kissed her on the cheek. We were all silent, just happy to be in each other's presence. "We're like a family, aren't we? We're a proper family."

"I suppose we are."

"I like our family."

"So do I." Vince laid his head on my shoulder while Lola scooted onto his lap. "Our family's a good one. Because we'll do anything for each other. I'd risk my life for both of you guys." He stroked Lola's hair softly. "I really would."


End file.
